THE DEGRASSI TEACHER BIOS
In keeping with the original Degrassi character bios, I present the TEACHER BIOS!

MR. RADITCH
Greetings aspiring scholars!. Mr Raditch.. the man, the myth, the slamdancer.. ok not a slamdancer, but Mr. Raditch was defiantly the best and most remembered teacher at Degrassi. He started by teaching grade 8, the class with Joey, Stephanie K, and the twins (etc..). Each day Mr. Raditch would come in and remove Joeys hat. Raditch's main subject was english.. he would read out stories and act out the voices, even the female parts (pretty gay). Once Yick Yu ("Mr. Yu" the disorganized as Raditch called him) thought he was getting shafted in the marks department, so he asked Arthur if he could take his sister Stephanie K's paper from the previous year since she had Raditch for the same class. Yick got the paper, and handed it in with his name on it. The mark he received back was different , and Yick embarrassed Mr. Raditch in front of the class. To make himself feel better Mr. Raditch gave Yick and Arthur a detention. Also known for being a bastard, Raditch flunked Joey.. making him repeat grade 8 again. After Degrassi junior high burnt down, Raditch got a job as vice principal at Degrassi High. Joey and the rest of the cast spent the first episode of Degrassi High wondering who the voice on the PA system was.. some thought it was Raditch.. but it couldnt be, he only taught junior high! right? WRONG.. Raditch is back, and this time he has an office. One of the funniest moments exhibited by Raditch is in the episode where Claude kills himself. Snake discovers the Claudes corpse, and tells Mr. Raditch and the other office lackies..."Call 911" Raditch says, and proceeds to run to the bathroom with Snake.. but check out his running! HAHAHA. Good thing he didnt become a gym teacher.

Currently Mr. Raditch (Dan Woods)is starring in a television show called "Classic Car Restorations" on speedvision, he fixes.. you guessed it, Classic Cars. When asked on the recent Degrassi Reunion show what he would be doing in the Degrassi universe, he said.

MISS AVERY
And who out there hasnt had a fantasy about a raven haired teacher with lesbianic tendencies? I give you: Miss Avery. What can I say about Miss Avery? She combined everything I loved about teachers in the late 80's. She had a soothing voice that could almost put you to sleep, and she was a lesbian! noo.... was she really? One thing she was however was smart. Miss Avery took children to new places with her unique teaching style. When a student was in trouble she helped them no matter what. When Caitlin was having erotic dreams about her, what did she do? she talked to Caitlin about them.. in graphic steamy detail.. Just kidding; actually she discussed homosexuality, and how just because you dont see her with any men.. doesn't make her gay (hey what was up with kissing the woman in the car then Miss Avery?). When Wheels needed help with his grades, Miss Avery was there.. to help him get caught up, and to make him get glasses. When Spike wanted to drop out of school because she was knocked up.. and had a hairdo that was so heavy on her head that her brain was getting crushed.. Miss Avery was there! She also gave Spike shit for not caring about being pregnant.. "Some of us cant have babies" Miss Avery said. So what have we learned kids? Miss Avery is barren, and a lesbian. But above all she was a great sexy teacher, and isnt that the important thing?. When Degrassi Junior high burnt down, Miss Avery became the library lackie (ahem.. the person in charge of the resource center) She decided to finally quit her job after not being offered a permanent teaching position. Now the only position she takes is the "X" position.

MR. COLBY
Colby the Molester!. This man was bad news from day one let me tell you.. Mr. Raditch went into the hospital to have penile reduction surgery (or something), and this opened the door for a supply teacher. Mr Colby was seen as "being the hottest guy at Degrassi" or something.. but excuse me?! this guy was pretty unattractive.. even for late 80's supply teachers. He started kissing up to all the chicks in the class by giving them better marks then they had ever received in the past.. he even gave Lucy an "A+"!. After he smoothed his way past the defenses.. Colby started touching the girls more and more often, but what really caught his fancy was Lucys ugly hairdo, and her horribly awful scarves. One day Colby began to molest Lucy by touching her arms very lightly. Lucy was feeling very uncomfortable, and was frozen with fear... meanwhile..Wheels, who had forgotten his copy of Fletch in his desk ,decided he would go to Colbys class to retrieve this classic comedy starring Chevy Chase..When he arrived at the door and looked in, he saw the molestation taking place. Opening the door, he interrupted the hot little rendevuex, and scared Colby off the shaken (not stired) Lucy. To make a long story short , they (Wheels and Lucy) told the school board about him, and he was fired. I do believe that later on (like in a few months) Colby returned! And this time, he was the substitute for Susies class (Caitlin’s grade). Man this guy had a thing for young black girls.. so anyway Lucy tried to warn her about the pervert.. but she didnt listen. To make a crappy bio shorter, Colby was caught touching Susies arms and was sent to prison.. where he can touch as many arms and shoulders as he wants... in exchange of course for a bruised anus.

MR. OLD GUY (or Mr. Webster) AKA "SIR"
Besides looking like "Dr. Frankenstein" from the classic horror film Day of the dead, this man taught the kids of Degrassi High science. He was a hard ass, but the good thing about him was he was old, lazy and senile. He used the same tests year after year.. thus giving eggheads like Alex Yankou (who had a brother that had Webster’s class previously) a chance to cheat. The cheating plan would've worked perfectly but Alex was trying to impress Tessa..so he showed her the test (she photocopied it), Tessa showed the test to Scooter (who photocopied it) who showed it to Bartholomew Bond (who photocopied it) and so on, until esentially the entire class had a copy of the exam. Everyone aced the test, and Dr. Frankenstein decided that the test was too easy for the students, and he must readminister the test (only a different more harder version of it..) what a burn. Mr. Webster also made Caitlin help Joey with his science homework.. so I guess you could call him "Dr. Love" also (since he set them on the course of getting back together). During the final episode of Degrassi High; he was the man that handed out the letters for parents to read saying "Degrassi will be closed next year, you will all have to go to another school" etc.. and then he expected to just begin reviewing the class exam with everyone. Not bloody likely! everyone was mad, and they killed him. It quickly turned into something out of "Lord of the Flies", and they put a Bunsen burner in his bum. Thats gotta hurt.

MR. GARCIA (the Math Pimp)
Mr. Garcia was the grade 9 teacher at Degrassi Junior High.. Snake and Wheels were in his class along with the other older Degrassi cast members (except Joey who flunked... Curse you Raditch!) Basically he was the math teacher.. and was also "friend" to the students. When Wheels parents buy the farm, this guy helped Wheels out by giving him a sort of manly hug (aww isnt that sweet).. and who could forget the time Snake found out his brother was gay?, and Snake got pissed at everyone so much that he started a fight with BLT.. Mr. Garcia asked Snake what was wrong, and if he needed to talk to someone (ya see? he was a real pal).

Finally, he was one of the first teachers to inform the students about Aids (Duane shouldn't have stayed home to watch 'The Price is Right' that day.. just kidding, he wasnt even in that grade). He gave Snake AIDS (no, not by anal sex.. they were just role playing!), and everyone who shook hands with Snake got aids.. this was supposed to illustrate that if you ever shake hands with a red headed boy over 6'2 you could get aids. Everyone was mad at Snake, and talked to him in a lispy voice. Later in the yaer. Wheels for thought he had surely flunked Grade 9 due to his Parents dying, and playing video games.. and hitchhiking to Port Hope.. etc, was suprised when Garcia passed him. Sure he gave him a low mark, and said he would have to try hard, but still.. he did a good thing. Unlike that peenie Raditch.

Mr. Walfish
Here we are supposed to have an example of a hip english teacher that every highschool has. It was the 80's, so I guess this was hip back then. Since then, the norm for highschool english teachers has turned into middle age gay men. At least in my school thats the way it was. Who could forget Mr. Price, and Mr. Fisher, Two gay men teachers that when together formed "Fisher Price" Oh lord, that was a good joke at my school.. let me tell you. We also had Mr. Gentlemen. I swear. I guess when you are born with a name like that you pretty much cant turn out to be straight. Walfish seemed "Bi", but was hip and cool. Since he was cool, no one did the homework he assigned.. like reading Shakespeare and catcher in the rye. He once tried to get the class to talk about current issues, but ended up causing an abortion holocaust in the class room (that was actually started by Erica). He also cut Lucy some slack for her to make her horror movie masterpiece "It Creeps". Check out his face in the picture to the left, he made this face in pretty much every scene he acted in. He is also known for being the teacher that has the hardest name to remember in the Degrassi universe. He's hip, He's cool, He's 45. Walfish was also the bearer of bad news. When Claude died, he was the first person to break the news to the students of his class, Caitlin being one of them. "A student has died, and it looks like he killed himself" ... "Who" asks Miya. "His name was Claude Tanner". Caitlin looks stunned, and Miya offers her sympathies that you know were just bugging the hell out of Caitlin. "Leave me alone you goddamn gimp" says Caitlin in a never before seen outtake. I think Walfish started up one of his famous "Lets talk" discussions, about Claudes death. One of the students, an annoying black girl says "He's going to hell you know.. Suicides a sin" In another never before seen outtake, Walfish kicks the girl out saying "Get the hell out of my room you ass". This was Mr. Walfish.

Doris Bell
The mighty secretary of Degrassi Junior High. I guess she could be considered a teacher, she certainly had alot of lines throughout the early years of Degrassi. She was a trouble maker, who just couldnt keep her nose out of other peoples affairs. When Joey asked what to do if someones parents were hitting them, she jumped to the conclusion that it was Joeys parents who were beating up on Joey, when it was really just a question about Rick and his father. She called the Child Welfare board, and had a social worker dispatched to the Jeremiah home. Nosey Bitch. Who could forget the time she investigated the pornography war between L.D. and Joey's lockers. She was ashamed of Joeys collection of semi nude women he had in his locker, and when Joey informed her that L.D. also had her own form of pornography in her locker.. she checked it out only to find oily semi naked men pictures plastered inside. Instead of ripping the pictures down, it looks like she has a mini orgasm. Crass. I mean this was a kids afternoon show. Such Filth. Later in the series, Doris's main job was to announce to the older students that the busses for Borden High were boarding. Several announcements were made without her for some reason.. the principal Mr Lawerence made them instead.. I wonder why? Perhaps Doris was checking out male porn again. When the school burnt down at the end of the Degrassi Junior High series, Doris sadly died. After taking out her hearing aid, and using the schools private phones to call a "1-800-Man" line, she couldnt hear the fire alarms blazing in the background. Even as the flames crept up her back, she attributed it to her own "Hot Flashes" problem that older women sometimes experience. When she saw it was a fire, it was too late. Her cane had fallen out of her reach, and she was old. She gave up.

Mr. Lawrence
Shocked arent you? Why do you think he was never shown on Degrassi, did you think he was like Dr. Klaw from Inspector Gadget? Nope, just a naked fat nerd. Sitting in his office, talking on the P.A, just a fat naked nerd. Now you truely know why the kids were so afraid of going to the principals office. He was one of the many players in the "kick spike out of Degrassi" movement. Sure the parents complained about her, but he could’ve stopped it all. He could’ve put his foot down and said "No way, shes a student here, and her rights are important" but no. He buckled like a belt, and let the parents walk all over his sweaty fat ass. Of course he had a secretary to do his bidding, Doris Bell was sent out on many missions around the town.. mostly to pick up snacks and candy. Ever notice the amount of announcements made on behalf of Alex Yankou? Always made by Lawrence, always something to do with Alex losing something.. his glasses, his sense of style (etc..), see a resemblance between Alex Yankou and Mr. Lawrence? I think they are some how related.